What makes us feel unhappy?

Many of us are unhappy with our lives. The reasons may be very different. So what prevents us from living in such a way as to feel satisfied with life and happy?

Everything is rooted in our childhood. Often the parents – frankly speaking, that is not so smart of them – make the child feel that he will fail. They compare their children with those who they consider to be better. Naturally, such a comparison will always be to their children's disadvantage. So the children learn to doubt themselves and not to believe in themselves. A child is taught to “not stand out”, to “be like everyone else”.

This is a trap, because no “everyone” exists. This is an abstract concept - all people are different. To successfully resist such pressure requires a very strong character. If the character is not strong enough, then one gets used to not listening to oneself, not to trust oneself and his feelings.

If we don’t enjoy our life, it is a signal that we do not live our own life, but someone else’s who has imposed it on us. But to decide to change your life, especially radically, you need to believe in yourself: “I can do everything”! But a person who is not accustomed to trusting himself will never have the courage to change anything. He will say to himself: “Everybody lives this way. So why am I better than others”?

And so it becomes a vicious circle. We do not believe in ourselves and do not listen to ourselves, because for this you need to understand that « I am myself, not everybody else ». But for a person who is accustomed to « be like everyone else », this task is daunting.

We also like to blame others for our own failures. Or we blame the circumstances. “If I had married N then, I would have been secured today,” “If I had received another education, I would earn more,” “If I were born in another country, I would be successful,” and so on. If a person feels himself to be the master of his own life, then it is not he who obeys the circumstances, but subordinates the circumstances to himself.

Another reason for our unhappiness is merely our laziness and unwillingness to leave the "comfort zone". As for laziness, it often disguises our fear of failure: a person, in order not to suffer from a defeat, prefers simply to do nothing. A person who does not do anything, never makes mistakes. And this is also the consequence of our education at school - everyone is punished for mistakes, which does not encourage initiative. The result of that is indifference, loss of interest in everything. Laziness, coupled with indifference, is a very dangerous mix. Such a person will never take initiatives while complaining that he "does not have luck." And luck usually comes to those who do something to become lucky.

When a person is not self-confident and lazy, he, as a rule, has no desire to look for new opportunities, to learn something new. For example, even if he is offered a well-paid job, he will say to himself: “No, this is not for me. I still can’t do anything - I’m not competent enough. ” The idea that you can learn something and thereby increase your competence simply does not come to his mind. He will still complain about the low wages and the inability to arrange his life.

This phenomenon is called "learned (or conditioned) helplessness." To put it very simply, it means that a person is sure that whatever he undertakes, his life will only get worse. Initiative is always punishable. Therefore, it is much wiser to do nothing at all.

What can we do about it? How to get out of this vicious circle? Richard Branson gave the only working piece of advice: if you decided to do something, stop doubting! Simply do it! But for many, this will not work. The reason for this is their low energy.

Low energy is a consequence of our neurosis. Andrei Kurpatov (a Russian psychotherapist) wrote that all the energy of a neurotic goes to the maintenance of his heurosis. Nothing is left for anything else. What can we do about it ? Go to a psychotherapist. 50 hours of therapy will make you feel really better. You only have to find a good specialist.

You can, of course, try to figure it out yourself, but time and effort necessary for this may be much longer. The most important thing is to work on our self-love. Books by Louise Hay can help you in that. You can read them all and – which is the most important thing - gradually introduce positive affirmations into your life. Do it every day. Start talking to yourself every morning, looking at yourself in the mirror: “I love you”! It is necessary to learn to love yourself not for something, but just like that, for nothing, just because our closest person and the best friend is ourselves. If we are not able to support ourselves, then why do we expect that from others?

I also was deprived of unconditional love in my childhood. I only was loved for what I achieved. I also was demanded "to be a good girl." When I wasn’t a good girl, they punished me for it. As a result, I grew up a person lacking self-confidence and self-esteem, like most of my peers. And I have needed a very long work on myself to say today: “Yes, I love myself! I am proud of myself"! And I am proud of myself just like that, for nothing. I no longer need other people’s approval to feel good. I do not live for someone. I live in order to realize myself. And believe me, this approach to life is much more constructive than eternal self-blaming.

Last but not least – forget forever all the rubbish like « I've always been unlucky », « I will never succed », « I always do everything wrong », « No one will ever love me », « I am not born to be lucky » and othes staff like that. Because in life we usually get not waht we deserve, but what we choose, even subconsciously.